I've been doing a lot of troubleshooting lately. If you're wondering what that means for an administrative pastor, think about that story problem in your 4th grade math class that totally kicked your rear, and after writing a hundred and one formulas on your scratch paper it ends up equaling a negative number (even though you didn't yet know those existed). Then you realize you're back at the beginning. I've learned a lot of new things since I began this administration journey, some things I wanted to know, some things I didn't, and some things I never knew I would want to know. Every time something comes up though, it seems like it's the same process: realization of my ignorance, frustration at the delay it is creating, perhaps a cookie to calm my thoughts, then researching or asking someone who is more wise than I.
Not to totally throw you off, but let me switch subjects here for a second, and I'll bring everything together in the end using our Pastor Josh 's patented bits and pieces method. As you may, or probably will soon either read or hear, most of the Trailhead staff has read or is reading the novel, The Shack, by Wm. Paul Young. (Please see Adam's, Trailhead Associate Pastor, entry Just One Big Fractal) I'm a little past half way now and I've been mulling a lot over the deep theological conversations Mack, the main character, and God are having during his stay at said shack. To clue those of you in who haven't heard of the book, Mack has gone through an intense tragedy and has questioned everything he thought about God, so God invites him to come visit and chat with him at a particular shack in a secluded state forest. The converstion topics range from general table manners to the meaning of suffering in the world.
One thing has really gotten to me, though, through all the amazingly moving exchanges Mack and God have in the book, and that is the overarching theme or idea that God, through His Holy Spirit, through His Son, and the Father, toghether, is trying to invite his children, us, into a relationship of mutual submission. Now all of you are thinking one of two things, A) what in the world does that theological mumbo-jumbo mean; or B) that's insane, God doesn't submit to anyone...He's GOD!
I would have to say that throughout my reading, I've been thinking the same thing, by that I mean option B (although A has come up a lot too). God is God right, that's why I capitalize the first letter when I write His name, that's why many Jewish people still won't say His name in their own language, that's why there are millions of songs, sermons, books, and stories about His power, that's what our knees were made for, and that's why it only feels right when you're on your face before Him worshipping. So how in the world could someone say that God desires to submit to our frail existence.
And in that tiny word I found my answer. Last night as I prayed, God sweetly reminded me of our fragile position in His creation. Just look at all the great landscapes that could swallow you a hundred times over without even the slightest blemish. Think about the enormous and magnificent processes He spoke into place, that when misjudged or ignored can destroy entire communities without even slowing their progress.
But it is in that same frailty that I find security, because for all His greatness, for all the awesome power at His fingertips, in everything He controls, God has made it abundantly clear that His only satisfaction rests in intimacy with this fragile spirit in me, and in you. For me, that was the realization that made it all fit.
Every day I'm going to encounter new challenges that get the best of me, whether it's accounting or just walking, and I know that God could just plant that knowledge in me and I could sail right along, but His ways and His thoughts are so much higher than mine. I could never understand all that's going on in the world around me. I don't know if I'll ever have answers for all our questions. I may never completely understand the reason for tragedy, and I probably will never comprehend the existence of extreme poverty and pain, nor will I learn the purpose of gnats, but I know that God, the author of the universe, loves me more than anything else in creation and He has better plans for me than I could ever imagine. So I'll gladly accept my lowly, frail position because I'd rather be in His love than any place where I'm in control.
I'm still not sure I would wholly agree or even understand The Shack's explanation of our relationship with God as Him submitting to us, but I have come to a humbled appreciation of His passion to be so involved, so intimately connected with His children.
In conclusion...thanks Papa (you'll just have to read the book).
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Interractive Blogging!
I'm not sure yet about the rules regarding ending a blog, but I'm sure I just broke the rules about starting one by talking about the end. Anyway, I know my last blog came to a lovely, gift packaged ending leaving everyone, including me, feeling like life was just right. Because of the extremely elated emotions you may have felt after your last experience with this blog, I felt it necessary to forewarn you that this post will not end that way. I don't actually know exactly how it's going to end, but I know it's going to require input from someone besides just myself.
But let's get to the point. I went to work yesterday, and was intending to make the deposit for the church. I would've had it done on Monday, but as we all know bankers hours don't always coincide with life hours. They were closed for Columbus Day. The plan was to drop off the deposit on the way to work. Google maps (I used to MapQuest but they completely trashed my route to Burlington when I was moving down, so I switched, to support the WalMart of the internet) told me there was a mini-bank in a Harris Teeter grocery store on my way.
(Another aside: that paragraph looks like a product placement heyday).
Unfortunately my late departure made it impossible for me to stop by the bank and still get to work by 1PM, when I was supposed to start, and since I only get to work 2 days a week and this is my second week, I really should be making a good impression right now. I was a little frustrated, but I moved on. After I figured out that this paticular bank branch was open until 7, I decided I would just go out on my half hour lunch break at 5 (apparently they don't provide dinner breaks, too many after supper nappers). Another plan was made.
5 finally comes around and I get out as soon as possible because I have to get there and back in time to heat up my lunch and eat it, at least that's what my frugality was telling me. I'm driving along thinking that I'll surely see the store any minute now since everyone at work keeps talking about how close it is. It takes a few minutes longer than I would've liked, but I arrive at the store and head inside. After walking completely around the store twice (keep in mind it's only groceries, so it's about half the size of your typical WalMart), I come to the conclusion that I should probably ask someone where in world the entire bank service desk is hiding.
The teenage guy bagging groceries proves to be as uninsightful as you might expect from a bagboy. Knowing how it feels to be a rank and file employee, I thought I would offer him the benefit of the...who am I kidding, I was in a hurry and grabbed the first person with an apron. After waiting at the customer service desk forever (a minute in real time), the manager informs me that the bank I am referring to is in a Harris Teeter on this road, but it's not this one. It's another three miles down. Question 1: Why are there two Harris Teeters within three miles of each other? Walmart - yes; Starbucks, - of course; McDonalds - mmhmm; Exxon - why not; Harris Teeter - absoutely not. Question 2: That's really it, I'm just so re-frustrated at this point I thought it deserved two.
Being the ambitious, ambitious in this case meaning stubborn, person that I am, I decide I'll see how long three miles takes to drive on Friendly Road. It's already 5:15 and I know this is a bad choice, but I wasn't ready to make my break a complete bust just yet. My stomach is also grumbling, but the grumbles coming out of my head supercede my better judgement. We all know what happens here, I drive til I feel like I could be in Texas, probably a total of a mile and a half, before I realize that if I'm going to get back to work anywhere near 5:30 I have to turn around now. Final results: no bank, no deposit, no lunch, no happy feelings.
Let me add before finishing that during part of this escapade I was on the phone with Morgan, my always kind and understanding girlfriend. Having recently been aggravated at a situation while talking to her, which also had nothing to do with her, I realized that releasing those emotions by being short with her was not the way to go. I think I managed to be relatively kind, if somewhat quiet during this conversation, but I couldn't help but wishing I could just snap out of that frustration. I know as well as you do that those feelings of irritation that just boil inside end up doing no one any good, and usually end up creating further annoying or even hurtful complications because of my reactions in the moment.
I've been reading in my Bible and thinking recently a lot about my thoughts. During the past few weeks I seem to have had a barrage of bad attitudes and callous thoughts come against me, and they don't reflect anything I believe about people, about the world, about anything. I know part of this is an attack of the Devil, and I've decided it's time for all of it to stop. It's just not worth it to give any credence to any thought that doesn't encourage me or those around me. Decision made, now how do I make it happen? Thoughts seem to be so uncontrollable, even unpredictable.
I've read and am holding fast to Paul's guide to right thinking (Philippians 4:8), and I've seen that the key seems to be in the preceding verse:
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and
your minds in Christ Jesus.
Beyond my understanding the Holy Spririt has been renewing my mind and making my joy complete again, even though nothing has changed physically, and I will never fail to praise and thank Him for always taking my cares upon Himself. I still want to know something though. What do you do when those thoughts, whether it's frustration, depression, even lust, begin to flicker like a growing flame inside?...No really, you, what do you do? I know we all have different ways of getting back to those noble, pure and right thougts. So I want you to tell me how you deal with it, or if you even know how, or if you just let them sit and fester until they go away.
You might say, "Dave, isn't it a bit early to be trying to make this interactive. Let's face it, you only have two posts and three followers." Yes, yes, I know all that, but I'd like to start something that could carry on in later, perhaps more well-read post. I want to give everyone the chance to learn something from each other. So whether you've been reading since the beginning (last week), or you just found this blog randomly, please let me know how you deal with those mind-wounding thoughts that always take over so quickly. I'll start...
But let's get to the point. I went to work yesterday, and was intending to make the deposit for the church. I would've had it done on Monday, but as we all know bankers hours don't always coincide with life hours. They were closed for Columbus Day. The plan was to drop off the deposit on the way to work. Google maps (I used to MapQuest but they completely trashed my route to Burlington when I was moving down, so I switched, to support the WalMart of the internet) told me there was a mini-bank in a Harris Teeter grocery store on my way.
(Another aside: that paragraph looks like a product placement heyday).
Unfortunately my late departure made it impossible for me to stop by the bank and still get to work by 1PM, when I was supposed to start, and since I only get to work 2 days a week and this is my second week, I really should be making a good impression right now. I was a little frustrated, but I moved on. After I figured out that this paticular bank branch was open until 7, I decided I would just go out on my half hour lunch break at 5 (apparently they don't provide dinner breaks, too many after supper nappers). Another plan was made.
5 finally comes around and I get out as soon as possible because I have to get there and back in time to heat up my lunch and eat it, at least that's what my frugality was telling me. I'm driving along thinking that I'll surely see the store any minute now since everyone at work keeps talking about how close it is. It takes a few minutes longer than I would've liked, but I arrive at the store and head inside. After walking completely around the store twice (keep in mind it's only groceries, so it's about half the size of your typical WalMart), I come to the conclusion that I should probably ask someone where in world the entire bank service desk is hiding.
The teenage guy bagging groceries proves to be as uninsightful as you might expect from a bagboy. Knowing how it feels to be a rank and file employee, I thought I would offer him the benefit of the...who am I kidding, I was in a hurry and grabbed the first person with an apron. After waiting at the customer service desk forever (a minute in real time), the manager informs me that the bank I am referring to is in a Harris Teeter on this road, but it's not this one. It's another three miles down. Question 1: Why are there two Harris Teeters within three miles of each other? Walmart - yes; Starbucks, - of course; McDonalds - mmhmm; Exxon - why not; Harris Teeter - absoutely not. Question 2: That's really it, I'm just so re-frustrated at this point I thought it deserved two.
Being the ambitious, ambitious in this case meaning stubborn, person that I am, I decide I'll see how long three miles takes to drive on Friendly Road. It's already 5:15 and I know this is a bad choice, but I wasn't ready to make my break a complete bust just yet. My stomach is also grumbling, but the grumbles coming out of my head supercede my better judgement. We all know what happens here, I drive til I feel like I could be in Texas, probably a total of a mile and a half, before I realize that if I'm going to get back to work anywhere near 5:30 I have to turn around now. Final results: no bank, no deposit, no lunch, no happy feelings.
Let me add before finishing that during part of this escapade I was on the phone with Morgan, my always kind and understanding girlfriend. Having recently been aggravated at a situation while talking to her, which also had nothing to do with her, I realized that releasing those emotions by being short with her was not the way to go. I think I managed to be relatively kind, if somewhat quiet during this conversation, but I couldn't help but wishing I could just snap out of that frustration. I know as well as you do that those feelings of irritation that just boil inside end up doing no one any good, and usually end up creating further annoying or even hurtful complications because of my reactions in the moment.
I've been reading in my Bible and thinking recently a lot about my thoughts. During the past few weeks I seem to have had a barrage of bad attitudes and callous thoughts come against me, and they don't reflect anything I believe about people, about the world, about anything. I know part of this is an attack of the Devil, and I've decided it's time for all of it to stop. It's just not worth it to give any credence to any thought that doesn't encourage me or those around me. Decision made, now how do I make it happen? Thoughts seem to be so uncontrollable, even unpredictable.
I've read and am holding fast to Paul's guide to right thinking (Philippians 4:8), and I've seen that the key seems to be in the preceding verse:
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and
your minds in Christ Jesus.
Beyond my understanding the Holy Spririt has been renewing my mind and making my joy complete again, even though nothing has changed physically, and I will never fail to praise and thank Him for always taking my cares upon Himself. I still want to know something though. What do you do when those thoughts, whether it's frustration, depression, even lust, begin to flicker like a growing flame inside?...No really, you, what do you do? I know we all have different ways of getting back to those noble, pure and right thougts. So I want you to tell me how you deal with it, or if you even know how, or if you just let them sit and fester until they go away.
You might say, "Dave, isn't it a bit early to be trying to make this interactive. Let's face it, you only have two posts and three followers." Yes, yes, I know all that, but I'd like to start something that could carry on in later, perhaps more well-read post. I want to give everyone the chance to learn something from each other. So whether you've been reading since the beginning (last week), or you just found this blog randomly, please let me know how you deal with those mind-wounding thoughts that always take over so quickly. I'll start...
Thursday, October 9, 2008
This feels like Christmas
The other day I was sitting in my officloset, a term I've created for my current workspace, surrounded by the clothes of our pastor and his wife, and as I watched their three year old son bounce around their bed joyously putting together 9-piece puzzles I thought what any normal person learning accounting from a monitor mounted to a closet wall would think at this point: it feels like Christmas.
It was just me and Caedmon (the three year old) that night, the rest of the Trailhead team was out door-knocking, inviting people to join us on Sunday, while I was here working on getting all of our accounting information put into our system. As I sat down to start working, I watched Caed jump up on the bed with his puzzle box in hand. "Hey Dave, hey Dave, wanna play puzzles with me on the bed?" He was so excited about this moment, it was like he'd been looking forward to this bed and these puzzles all day long, which for a three year old is a very long time. And for some reason, right then, I really wanted to hop on that bed and play puzzles with him. I saw that look on his face, and the only thing I could think about was that feeling I always get when I hear the first Christmas carol of the year. It's that warm, gooey feeling that makes your insides feel like you just had a homemade cup of hot chocolate and a melty cookie. Please tell me you've had that feeling. If not, please let me be creepy and invite myself over to make you that hot cup of cocoa, because everyone needs that Christmas feeling.
I reminisced for a moment, with thoughts of snow days and two weeks of nothing to do reminding me of the joy of life before work. As I came back to the reality of debits and credits in closets, I had somewhat of a revelation. This still feels like Christmas.
I've been in North Carolina for about a month and a half now, and my life has consisted of nothing but Trailhead Church from 7:30AM until Midnight, and I love it. It's not always cakewalk trying to comply with all these IRS laws and arranging all these numbers, but it's knowing with every little bit of me that I'm exactly where God wants me that lights me up inside and out. I've stood in the back of the Ramada Convention Center for two weeks now and have been overwhelmed by the annointing that has flowed through our midst, and knowing that me and my best friends had a role in preparing that place and that day for that very reason is more fulfilling than all of my four hikes through the Grand Canyon combined. This really was not meant to be a plug to come join our church, but I can't help but tell you now. If God is moving you to help start something for Him, whether it's a church, a bible study, or a kickball game, I beg you not to hesitate. Your reward will be far greater than you could ever have imagined as you watch people encounter God through your sacrifice.
So I'm in a closet, crunching numbers, and watching puzzles and Nick Jr.'s Noggin, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be.
It was just me and Caedmon (the three year old) that night, the rest of the Trailhead team was out door-knocking, inviting people to join us on Sunday, while I was here working on getting all of our accounting information put into our system. As I sat down to start working, I watched Caed jump up on the bed with his puzzle box in hand. "Hey Dave, hey Dave, wanna play puzzles with me on the bed?" He was so excited about this moment, it was like he'd been looking forward to this bed and these puzzles all day long, which for a three year old is a very long time. And for some reason, right then, I really wanted to hop on that bed and play puzzles with him. I saw that look on his face, and the only thing I could think about was that feeling I always get when I hear the first Christmas carol of the year. It's that warm, gooey feeling that makes your insides feel like you just had a homemade cup of hot chocolate and a melty cookie. Please tell me you've had that feeling. If not, please let me be creepy and invite myself over to make you that hot cup of cocoa, because everyone needs that Christmas feeling.
I reminisced for a moment, with thoughts of snow days and two weeks of nothing to do reminding me of the joy of life before work. As I came back to the reality of debits and credits in closets, I had somewhat of a revelation. This still feels like Christmas.
I've been in North Carolina for about a month and a half now, and my life has consisted of nothing but Trailhead Church from 7:30AM until Midnight, and I love it. It's not always cakewalk trying to comply with all these IRS laws and arranging all these numbers, but it's knowing with every little bit of me that I'm exactly where God wants me that lights me up inside and out. I've stood in the back of the Ramada Convention Center for two weeks now and have been overwhelmed by the annointing that has flowed through our midst, and knowing that me and my best friends had a role in preparing that place and that day for that very reason is more fulfilling than all of my four hikes through the Grand Canyon combined. This really was not meant to be a plug to come join our church, but I can't help but tell you now. If God is moving you to help start something for Him, whether it's a church, a bible study, or a kickball game, I beg you not to hesitate. Your reward will be far greater than you could ever have imagined as you watch people encounter God through your sacrifice.
So I'm in a closet, crunching numbers, and watching puzzles and Nick Jr.'s Noggin, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)